News Roundup – Tue. 3/2

Gefilte fish is in jeopardy, and this is not some plot out of The Moshiach Times. Israel is blocking a large shipment of carp, the prime ingredient in gefilte fish, through a new 120% tarrif. U.S. representatives Anthony Weiner and Don Manzullo have called on Israel to drop the tax “so that the important and symbolic tradition of eating gefilte fish on Jewish holidays is available to all Israelis.” The concern for our “important traditions” really does warm our hearts.

Israel would be one of the richest nations in the world if it would unlock the potential of its minorities, which includes bringing Charedim into the economy, according to Israel’s top treasury official. “If we could bring them into the labor market we would benefit twice over,” Ministry of Finance Director General Haim Shani said. “We would close wealth gaps and offer them opportunities on the one hand; and we would profit from their enterprise on the other.” But that would mean mandatory military service. No can do. We’ll stick to toirasam umnasam and living on welfare. But thanks for the thought.

While we won’t go as far as calling one dressed in Chasidic garb a “chick magnet,” it seems to work for some. D., a Charedi rebel who hangs out in lesbian bars in Tel Aviv, keeps his beard intentionally ragged. It seems to have the desired effect; people come over, ask questions, and he makes friends. “At first some people thought I was a horny ultra-Orthodox male, who wanted to watch girls kissing one another, but quite quickly they understood that I have good friends there.” Which still doesn’t mean he’s not a horny ultra-Orthodox male.

A Purim party in Midtown Manhattan ended with a roof collapsing on hundreds of revelers. Shards of glass rained down on the likes of actor Chris Noth and “Jersey Shore” cast members Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi and Vinny Guadagnino. Polizzi and Guadagnino at a Purim party? That’s like Haman and Achashversuh throwing party snappers during the megilla reading. Perhaps the roof felt the same way.

Purim revelers in the London suburb of Golders Green took their festivities a little too far, and police were summoned to have them “chill out.” According to police, there was “fighting, throwing of fireworks and general havoc.” Police had to separate Jewish men who were drunk and fighting with each other. Who knew Golders Green was such an exciting place?

Disclaimer: Unpious.com is neither fair nor balanced. We are totally partial to snarkiness, cynicism, sarcasm, and Mendelsohn’s pizza.