Letters to the Editor

[Epistles]

Dear Unpious –

My mother is gravely ill. I was wondering if you could put up a notice for people to say tehillim. Her name is Chaya Riva bas Miriam. Thank you in advance. May Hashem bless you with success in all your endeavors.

Chani Spiegel
Monsey, NY

P.S. If you’d like to visit her, let me know and I’ll give you the hospital and room number.

P.P.S. If you intend to bring flowers, she likes the silk kind. The others, she says, are a waste of money since they’re usually withered by the end of the week.

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Dear Unpious Editors,

I’m writing in response to your article “Ten Reasons to go OTD.” While those reasons are all valid (I particularly liked the one about being able to eat Shabbos morning before davening – or “the services,” as you called it, which, if you ask me, is a bit goyish, but fine), I think there’s a broader point that you missed. I will illustrate this by way of a story.

In September of 2009 I read a book called “Evolution: How and why we evolved.” Basically, the author made the claim that all humans – all frickin humans – are descended from animal-like beings, in particular monkeys. (Didn’t you always think they looked so human-like?!) The novelty of it was staggering, and I’ve been unable to stop thinking about it ever since. I know it’s a strange theory, and I forget who the author was, but he supposedly based his ideas on the findings of some English gentleman who came upon the idea while sunbathing on an island off South America called Palagapos (or something like it). Can you imagine laying there on the beach, cocktail drink in hand with one of those tiny umbrella thingys on top, and going: “Bloody hell—“ that’s how the British speak, whatever that means, “Bloody hell, I’ve got it!” According to some versions of this legend, he actually said, “Eureka!” which in British English means something like “Goddammit, I’m a frickin genius!”

Anywho, the book got me thinking that if indeed our ancestors were animals, that changes things. I mean, that pretty much lays to rest the whole question of who Kayin and Hevel and the whole fricking Adam Harishon family fornicated with. I mean, if it was all just one family, then who the hell were they screwing? (Their sisters?! Yuck.) According to this theory, the whole story of Adam and Chava (and her being created from Adam’s rib? How freaky is that?) never – and I repeat, never – really happened. It’s a myth, a make-believe story, a fairytale, ok? And if Adam never happened, that means there was no Kayin and Hevel, no Noach, no Pharaoah, no Avraham Avinu and Moshe Rabeinu and Jews in Mitzrayim.  It’s all made up!

Think about it!

Yankel Schorsch
Flatbush, Brooklyn

P.S. If you’d like to purchase the aforementioned book, I can give you my personalized referral link on Amazon, which earns me 4% of each purchase you make. In fact, I might have some money-making ideas for you too if you’d like. Call me. -Y

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Dear Unpious –

My mother is still very ill. I didn’t see your tehillim notice. Did I miss it?

Chani Spiegel
Monsey, NY

P.S. I didn’t hear back from you about visiting. I’m assuming it’s an oversight. If it’s because of my comment about the flowers (and btw, it was just a suggestion! Geez!) it’s only because everyone else – including the Satmar Bikkur Cholim – has brought enough heimishe chicken soup and bags of stale potato chips. A change would be nice.

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hi,

i have come across your website, and I have to say, i’m amazed! i am a single mother of two children (really adorable ones, btw. i’ve attached pictures.) and i’ve long been interested in hasidics. the culture is just really fascinating! i’ve always loved jewish people, and i’m really glad i found ur website. i see that you are open-minded and you think for yourselves, which is awesome. i’m wondering if you’ve given any thought to christian teachings, and whether i can share some of the blessings of my own faith (which is Christian, btw). if you would like more information about jesus christ (or, as you would call him, Yeshuach Hamashia) whom i absolutely love and adore, you might find that he will change ur life the way he changed mine.

peace and blessings from sunny california,

Barbara McMahon
Santa Barbara, CA

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Dear Unpious –

Thanks for nothing. My mother died.

Chani

P.S. Let me know if you need the shiva details. If you’d like to take a perek Mishanyos, there’s a sign-up sheet at the door.