To Cut or Not to Cut
FreiFem2011Our fetuses’ sex was determined upon conception, but its genitals are not yet detectable to the human eye – although they have begun to form, tiny promises budding on a creature the size of a small strawberry (always in fruit, they measure its size, as if to make innocuous the bizarreness of this alien creature growing within).
And yet already, we, the ten-week-pregnant-nauseous-hormone-ridden-mama-to-be, and the nervous-excited-angelically-patient papa- to-be, are already pre-occupied with the slicing off of our baby’s genitals.
We won’t know for weeks whether I carry a boy or a girl, but I would put my money on a boy. It’s a feeling I have, backed up by the inevitably of Murphy’s Law. Our lives are free and secular, but my husband is close to his religious family, and his religious colleagues, both who would be outraged, dismayed and distraught if we didn’t circumcise our son.
It is the mark of the Jewish people, it is a covenant with God, they will cry.
But we don’t believe in God.
There are health benefits, studies show lower risks of STDs and UTIs!
And yet still, circumcision is not recommended by national pediatric organizations in the US (and decried by those in Europe).
Most people, regular Americans who don’t believe in God do it!
Funny, how arguments for action that conform to the majority (say: college, pre-marital sex, McDonalds) never featured in your arguments before.
But it will upset the people you love so much!
As much as we love you, we love our unborn child more.
There are more arguments, in both directions, pages and pages, and acronymistic organizations set up, on one side, to defend the intact penis and on the other, to support cutting it up.
We won’t do it (I bravely assert, 7 months before I have to actually take a stand)!
What right do I have to slice off any part of my newborn child, before they can defend themselves or assert their will? And that’s a fair argument even if the procedure caused no pain, and the disposed of tissue served no purpose – both which have been proven false assertions.
The foreskin is itself a highly sensitive piece of genital tissue, and it serves to cover and protect the head of the penis, much like an eyelid covers the surface of the eye, so the head can retain its sensitivity. Without it, the head becomes desensitized and pleasure is reduced. To paraphrase the words of one man who was circumcised as an adult, it’s like going from color vision to black and white.
I am not squeamish. I believe in firm parenting and discipline and setting appropriate boundaries. But I don’t believe I have the right to maim my child for no obvious benefit. And if, in the bathrooms of east coast public schools, and the urinals of Renewal Temples during Shabbos services, my son feels different, odd, for the appearance of his intact penis, I can live with that.
I have no interest in raising a sheep. While I am thrilled that I will have the opportunity to raise an American child in a secular home, with access to the joys and freedoms of secular life, that doesn’t come along with any simultaneous desire to raise children who are afraid of being different. I will teach my child to be proud of all of their qualities that make them unique. I will teach them to respect decisions that result from thoughtfulness and questioning. And if my boy still mourns the “oddity” of his intact self, I will fully support him in slicing off that piece of skin. That is a choice for him to make.
Where do you, my unpious friends, stand on the issue of circumcision?
For more information:
www.circumcision.org
www.nocirc.org
Penn & Teller on Circumcision: http://www.reeltvlinks.com/Penn-Teller-Bullshit/season/3/episode/1#watch
11 Responses
I agree with you 100%. after learning what foreskin really feels and does, I became very angry on that stupid custom, don’t do it!!!
The WHO reported significant lower rates of STD in circumcised males. Every independent study showed lower rates of Urinary Tract Infections and Penile Cancer. You cite the issue of sexual sensitivity; almost all studies show it’s not the case & that it’s pure bunk. In fact there are studies claiming the circumcised penis is more sensitive. The facts are all over the web the blog author chose the extremist anti abortion sites. I think it shows bias & self hate rather then genuine concern for the child.
We won’t do it (I bravely assert, 7 months before I have to actually take a stand)!
Oh but you so will, you so will. Can we place bets?
You’re a brave woman to do the right thing. People will probably put pressure and try to change your mind. A few years ago I made the decision that if I had a boy, he would not be circumcised. We had a girl in the end, but for a short while I was nervous about the backlash from our family we were sure to face if we had a boy. Also, if you’re having your baby in a hospital make sure the nurses know that you do not want him circumcised. In some hospitals it’s almost standard procedure, and you don’t want to end up signing the wrong form.
Velvel: For stds there is something called a condom. And if someone is responsible and safe, then they should have no worries. UTIS are not very common to begin with (especially in boys), and treated with antibiotics similar to what you’d give a child when they have an ear infection. And ear infections are way way more common in children. Penile cancer is also very rare. We generally don’t remove body parts on the off chance we might get a rare form of cancer.
“I think it shows bias & self hate rather then genuine concern for the child.”
That’s pretty incendiary, Velvel. I’m surprised at you.
Reasonable people can disagree on the issue, and even if FreiFem’s position is unpopular, it doesn’t make it self-hate. Even if you were correct on the facts (a big “if”) FreiFem could just as well be motivated by genuine revulsion at mutilating the body of her infant son. The leap to accuse her of self-hate is quite unreflective. It’s typical of the amateurish, frummie psycho-babble.
I think calling circumcision body mutilation is laughable. It’s the removing a piece of skin which serves no purpose. I’m sure of the over 50% Americans, most of them non-Jews, who do circumcise their boys, many of them do care for their kids’ well being and still do it. No one will have a problem mutilating a baby’s ear because they want her with ear rings for example.
The point I was trying to get across is that for an Ex Frum not to circumcise her kid thereby causing a lot of pain to her family as the author admitted, it’s rather because of deep revulsion for everything from the past thereby choosing one side of the issue ignoring the real facts which say circumcision does have benefits.
“The point I was trying to get across is that… it’s rather because of deep revulsion for everything from the past.
The point I was trying to get across is that it’s amateurish psychobabble. Why not just argue the facts instead of speculating on motivations?
If I were to speculate on motivations, I can say that your whole argument stems from revulsion of the very idea that a Jewish parent would forgo circumcision. But speculating on motivations is neither here nor there. a) I have no real way of knowing your motivations, b) motivations don’t change the validity of an underlying argument.
Velvel, in order not to circumcise, that involves no ” action” on the parents part. They are just leaving things the way they are. So they are not actually “causing” anyone any pain. The fact that the family will considers the parents incaction to be painful to them is their problem. And think about how bad it sounds when you say the pure facts, without any religious or social connotations attached to it out loud. “Freifem’s mother is upset because Freifem did not cut her baby’s penis.
As far as Americans circumcising their boys, that is a cultural thing started in victorian times. It was hailed as a cure for masturbation. At that time many believed that masturbation caused all kinds of problems, including blindness. Read the history. John Harvey Kellogg (the creator of cornflakes) was actually a major promoter of circumcision to curb masturbation because it was considered a terrible sin. Unfortunately the practice entrenched itself in American culture, although rates are gradually falling. Circumcision is uncommon in most of the world.
No one will have a problem mutilating a baby’s ear because they want her with ear rings for example.
Oh actually lots of people do have a problem with just that. Assuming arguendo though, ear piercing is reversible and circumcision is not.
Why do you say it is the removal of a piece of skin that serves no purpose? The evidence in fact points to it very much serving purpose.
Do it.
Just bc we all want choices and freedom for ourselves – but we want it for our kids too.
This just may be his desired ‘freedom’ and i hear having a bris at 31 or 14 or 22 is alot more painful and dont forget his pain emotionally and physically.