Who Is Your True Self?
FreiFem2011Dr. Joshua Knobe has a fascinating op-ed in the NYTimes, in which he asks – who is your true self? How do you know?
He presents the case of Mark Pierpont, an evangelical Christian anti-gay crusader, who also happened to personally struggle against feelings of attraction to men. Many of us would say that Pierpont should “be true to himself” and stop fighting “who he is” and allow himself to feel and express his attractions to men.
But Knobe questions that assumption. Why is his gay feeling any more his true self than his Christian feeling? Because it’s “biological”? But one wouldn’t extend that claim to a heroin addict fighting her addiction – ‘give in because your addiction is biological, it’s your true self!’
Are our rational conclusions our true self (as traditional philosophy asserts)? Or are our most instinctual desires our true self (as modern culture often claims)?
This is a really interesting question for many of us, who come from a culture where the concept of “true self” almost doesn’t exist. When we leave the religious community we are faced with the challenge of determining “who we are”, which can be difficult to figure out without an internal framework to guide us in wrestling with that idea.
What do you think? How do you determine what is your “true self” in your attempts to create a new identity? Is it whatever feels good? Is it whatever is most logical and rational? Is it whatever your new community dictates? Or some other formula entirely?
3 Responses
I dont know which community you came from, but in my Modern Litvish/Modern Orthodox background we were davka encouraged to find “ourselves”, especially through Mussar seforim and cheshbon hanefesh. I think Frum people wrestle with “who their true selves are” as much as anyone else – of course, within the limits of Orthodoxy and Halacha.
Actually, now that I think of it, those ARE pretty defined limitations.
But ALL people in ALL communities live with many more limitations than they are aware of (or are willing to admit to themselves). True “Freedom” is a fallacy – are we truly free to fly without mechanical aid, or to stop breathing or eating? What would society do to us if we DID decide to stop eating? Of course, they would force us to stay alive – against our freely chosen decision (and they would be certain they were helping us).
Of course, this issue comes back to the famous “nature vs. nurture” question that has been debated for so long. So much of what we are is so obviously not chosen by us. When you leave Orthodoxy – are you so sure you are finding yourself – maybe you are running away from yourself?
It’s actually a bit of a pet peeve of mine when people leave the Orthodox Jewish community and work too hard to “find themselves”. They think they need to shed their character completely and create a whole new identity for themselves. True, we are not starting out with much of an identity, since so much of Orthodox Jewish life is about community, not self identity. But still, we all have some likes and dislikes, some natural tendencies – some are outgoing other shy, we have habits – both good and bad. I have seen people do complete 180′s, sometimes to the detriment of themselves and others. My opinion is that by trying new things, doing what we love, forming opinions on what’s right and wrong, we slowly turn into who we are. No need for a serious treasure hunt, it will happen organically in its own time.
There are two true answers here…
1) The single unitary “self” doesn’t exist. It’s an emergent property of the self-conscious parts which float on top of a vast sea of (conflicting) desires, habits, patterns, associations and dozens of other things, some of which don’t even have names yet.
2) There are ways of getting to know your “self”. Visit your local Buddhist meditation instructor or the equivalent for practical instruction. Be warned, while it is rewarding the journey is not safe or pleasant. When a student asked to learn Enlightenment the great Zen master Suzuki asked “Why? You probably won’t like it.”