‘Gid Shabbis’
FreiFem2011credit: dcbaok
My husband and I love to travel, and this weekend we’re vacationing in an exotic locale – Boro Park. At my in-laws.
See, I was ok when a cockroach crawled over my lips in the middle of the night, but now, it appears, that the tiny, crowded sublet we are renting for the month of August, is infested with dark grey rodents that rustle in the kitchen in the dark, and scamper for the many holes in the walls and floor whenever the lights go on.
If you (like some people – ahhhhem) don’t understand why a disease-bearing vermin that carries even greater risks to pregnant women and is viscerally disgusting to boot, running around inches from (on?) one’s sleeping body is a major problem, well, I can’t explain it to you. But if you do understand, you’ll get why I’m feeling a little panicky.
We’re stuck until the end of the month, or until the exterminator solves the problem, whichever comes first, and since I refuse to go back into that apartment, we’re by my in-laws, who very kindly (and they are, always, very kind), invited us to stay as long as we want.
But that’s the thing. I don’t want. I hate imposing on them for this favor. I hate whenever they’re excessively nice to me (which is often). Because I know that they have expectations that I’m going to disappoint. In almost any circumstance, I’d rather not accept their kindness, than do so, and then anger them, when, for example, a short time later, I name my child a non-Jewish name, displaying what will look to them like a bout of mean spirited ungrateful lack of consideration. I’d rather remain apart than be like family with them, and have to deal with facing their inevitable disappointment.
The only thing worse than angering these good people who have been so kind to me, would be sleeping with a mouse.
Sigh.
So gid shabbis from Boro Park.
5 Responses
“Remember what the Dormouse said. I’m in your bed. I’m in your bed.”
I’m curious. FreiFem, how do you dress when you visit your husband’s family? This is a question of great relevance to me because, although I live hours and hours from New York, I visit those enclaves too. And the question of dress confounds and irritates me to no end. How do you resolve it?
I could choose not to go but I choose not to. I go. Since I go of my own free will (well, sort of. There’s that tug, and sometimes I just want to see my family), it’s not as onerous as it sounds. But I could still use some feedback on how others handle the “dress” problem.
Regarding names, FreiFem, you could always find some common ground and pick a biblical name that works in both worlds. The matriarchal names are gorgeous, along with Hannah, Deborah, that sort of thing. It’s what we did. They’re beautiful names, classic.
But of course, go where your heart leads you. I happened to love a particular biblical name to begin with, it matched up with a deceased great grandmother and everyone was happy. I should stress I did not choose this name to appease and there was no discussion or negotiation about it. My child, my name. Her name but given she was a fetus, she didn’t have much input, other than the name seemed to fit perfectly. But since it worked, I figured, may as well score some Brownie points with the Chassidim.
J,allow me to respectful disagree with you. “…common ground, etc.” If FreiFem is building her world then I could argue that constantly looking over her shoulder at past worlds can hinder her efforts at creating her own.
I’m all for avoiding conflict. And I also agree there is value to Jewish heritage. However,I don’t think she should allow in-laws, or anyone for that matter, to influence deeply personal decisions she must make.
Thanks, Kafhakele – that makes me feel a looooooot better..;-)
J – I think that’s a really interesting topic I know a lot of us grapple with, if you don’t mind, I’m going to borrow it (and answer your question) in a post this week. And in regards to naming kids – I have to say I’m with Justin on this one. It WOULD be convenient if Biblical names were relevant to and valued by me and my husband – but that isn’t the case. As I warned my sister-in-law – “Our daughter’s name is going to be ‘worse’ than Sarah, but not as ‘bad’ as Christiana”