News Roundup: 9/15/11

By Unpious.com Staff Writer · September 15, 2011

Credit: Simply Boaz

Since ultra-Orthodox Jews are never violent, the Mea Shearim Sicarii breaking windows and throwing feces at stores that offend them must be English Defense Leaguers in costume or a team of Santa Clauses in mourning.

The hechsher on your Babeland dildo not quite good enough for guilt-free plastic fellatio? Check out KosherSexToys.net, a website run by a Lakewood yungeman.

In what’s being hailed as a breakthrough, the first Torah conference on archeology was recently held in Jerusalem. Questions about how a scientific method could produce, in the words of Rabbi Elyashiv “a wonder of wonders,” but at the same time be discounted as a pack of seditious lies* can be referred to the ultra-orthodox legal team: Nahnah, Icanthearyou, and Thereforyoudon’texist.

*See: any ultra-Orthodox response to the mountains of archeological evidence that disprove the Orthodox historical narrative.

STOP THE PRESSES! The Charedi community, pinnacle of etiquette and refined social graces, has had its “feelings hurt“!!!! Billboards featuring female teachers have been placed in Bnei Brak, horrifying the public. Stickers have been plastered over the images of women to prevent further emotional damage.

In his review of “Contending With Catastrophe: Jewish Perspectives on September 11th,” Professor Allan Nadler is not impressed with Rabbi Ovadia Yosef’s awe of steamboats and other newfangled inventions.

Ten years ago, when terrorists flew two airplanes into the World Trade Center, the world received a stark and brutal message: the artisten are invading Williamsburg.

Contemplating the sea of tax fraud, child molestation, and general asshattery overwhelming their community, ultra-Orthodox rabbis have gathered together to issue a judgment on a far more pressing issue: women’s stockings.

Sunday, 9/18, participate in a shofar FlashMob, which will meet at Lincoln Center and is synchronized with shofar flashmobs around the world.

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News Roundups appear every Thursday (or when our News Roundup writer gets around to it, whichever comes first). Send news tips to unpious.editor@gmail.com.

Disclaimer: Unpious.com is neither fair nor balanced. We are totally partial to snarkiness, cynicism, sarcasm, and seamed stockings .

Tags: Allan Nadler, archeology, dildo, Elyashiv, English Defense League, featured, flashmob, KosherSexToys, Mea Shearim, Ovadia Yosef, Sicarii

Recovered from the Wayback Machine (copy of 2013-05-22). Original page in the Wayback Machine.

1 Response

Yitzchok Pinkesz · September 15, 2011 at 12:03 pm

A quote from KosherSexToys:
“Please note: Because we often do not use the manufacturer’s product name – which many times is crude or vulgar – you may have trouble doing comparison shopping. You can take us at our word that we are providing you with a quality product at a competitive price, or, should you want to, you can email us for the actual product name. We do not encourage you to look at other websites selling these products.”

LMAO!

I am curious though:
Is there a ban on that site yet?
Is the person who is responsible for maintaining the inventory not “frum”?
Is the person in charge of repackaging not “frum”?
How do they get around those?

Great round up.