Super-Kosher Sex: Bava Metzia 84a

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Super-Kosher Sex features a selection of sex-related material from the Talmud and other Jewish sources. Consider it the Unpious Daf Yomi,  bringing you the titillating, the romantic, and the kinky from our holy sages.

Today, we present:

Who has a bigger sex drive and which Talmudist had the longest schlong

(Bava Metzia 84a)

When Rabbi Yishmael the son of Rabbi Yose and Rabbi Elazar the son of Rabbi Shimon met, one could pass a pair of oxen beneath them and it would not touch them. (Because their stomachs were so large. –Rashi)

Said a certain non-Jewish matron to them: “Your children can’t be yours.” (Because they wouldn’t be able to have sex with their wives. –Rashi)

They answered her: “Theirs is even bigger than ours.” (Their wives’ stomachs were even larger. Or, another interpretation: their desire is bigger than ours. –Rashi)

But this makes the question even more so! (They will have sex with others then. –Rashi)

Some say, they answered her: “As a man is, so is his strength.” (His organ. –Rashi.)

Some say, they answered her: “Love suppresses the flesh.”

But why would they even answer her? Isn’t it written: “Do not respond to a fool according to his folly”? (Proverbs 26)

[They did so only] so that their children won’t be stigmatized [by the rumors].

Rabbi Yochanan said: “Rabbi Yishmael’s organ was as large as a nine-kab jug.” Rav Papa said: “Rabbi Yochanan’s organ was as large as a five-kab jug.” Some say, a three-kab jug. Rav Papa himself had an organ as big as a wicker basket of Harpania.