Dolly, Puppy, and the Big Gun

[At Gunpoint]

Itchie has a dolly.
He calls her Dolly.
Itchie loves his Dolly.
He plays with her all the time. He also has a friend.
His friend is the little Jew with the backpack.
Dolly also has a friend.
Her friend is the little man in the boat.
When Dolly is tired Itchie puts her to bed.
When Dolly cries Itchie holds her close.
When Itchie is sad Dolly makes him feel better.
When Itchie is pissed the fuck off Dolly calms him down.
Itchie and Dolly go everywhere together.
They go to eat together.
They watch movies together. They sleep together.
Sometimes they fight.
But they always make up. They are the bestest friends.
Sometimes Itchie pulls Dolly’s hair and wakes her up in the middle of the night to play.
Dolly does not like this.
She cries and tells Itchie to fuck off.
Itchie then feels bad and kisses Dolly until she feels better.
Sometimes Dolly will scratch Itchie’s back.
Itchie likes that.

Itchie and Dolly and the little Jew with the backpack and the little man in the boat all go fishing together.
A lot.
They really like fishing together.
Itchie is very tall.
Dolly is not so tall.
Itchie is very big.
Dolly is a lot smaller.
Itchie has homicidal tendencies.
Dolly has suicidal tendencies.
They wonder why they haven’t killed each other yet.
Doctors say, their combined insanity is a medical marvel.
Itchie says fuck the doctors. Dolly says, yeah, fuck them.
They carpool to therapy.
If anyone hurts Dolly, Itchie will make them eat their own liver.
If anyone hurts Itchie, Dolly will shoot them with Itchie’s gun.
It’s a big gun.

One day Itchie lost his Dolly.
He looked and looked but he couldn’t find her.
Itchie was very sad.
He went to play with other dollies.
But the other dollies weren’t fun.
One dolly was mean and made itchie sad.
So Itchie told her to go fuck herself.
One dolly wanted Itchie to pay for some bullshit the li’l slutty dolly should’ve paid for herself.
So itchie was sad.
He found more guns.
And did some more shooting.

Itchie found a bike.
It was a big bike.
Itchie kept the bike.
The bike goes very fast.
It makes a lot of vroom vroom noise.
One day Itchie was vrooming on the big bike and he found a new dolly.
But the the new dolly liked to think of a magical man in the sky.
Itchie also once liked the magical man in the sky.
But the magical man in the sky wasn’t nice to Itchie, and Itchie said fuck him.
So Itchie said goodbye to the new dolly and set her down gently.
Itchie decided that all the dollies were fucked up and weren’t worth the trouble.

One day Itchie was very sad.
His friend made a big mistake and ate too much candy and had to go to the hospital.
He bled from his eyes ears and nose and then he went away on a long trip.
Itchie’s friend didn’t come back, and the friend’s mommy and daddy made a party.
His friend’s dolly asked Itchie to bring a little puppy in his car.
Itchie said ok.
But Itchie said the puppy has to shut the fuck up and sit in the back.
But the puppy was bad.
It jumped in the front and wouldn’t shut up.
Itchie wanted to smash its li’l furry head.
But he didn’t.
The next day the puppy came to Itchie’s house.
The puppy cleaned Itchie’s house.
Itchie was happy.
Then the puppy scratched itchies back.
Itchie was in fucking heaven.
Itchie wanted to keep the puppy.
But Itchie was scared the puppy would run away.
But the puppy came back.
Every day.
And when Itchie went on a trip the puppy was sad.
The puppy yipped and whined until Itchie came back.
One day Itchie realized that his puppy loves him very much.
And he loved his puppy.
He buys his puppy treats.
The puppy licks Itchie’s face.
Itchie likes it.
A lot.
Then the puppy scratches Itchie’s back.

Itchie has a puppy.
He calls her Puppy.
Itchie loves his Puppy.
He plays with her all the time. He also has a friend.
His friend is the little Jew with the backpack.
Puppy also has a friend.
Her friend is the little man in the boat.
When Puppy is tired Itchie puts her to bed.
When Puppy cries Itchie holds her close.
When Itchie is sad Puppy makes him feel better.
When Itchie is pissed the fuck off Puppy calms him down.
Itchie and Puppy go everywhere together.
They go eat together.
They watch movies together. They sleep together.
Sometimes they fight.
But they always make up.
They are the bestest friends.
Sometimes Itchie pulls Puppys hair and wakes her up in the middle of the night to play.
Puppy does not like this.
She cries and tells Itchie to fuck off.
Itchie then feels bad and kisses Puppy until she feels better.
Sometimes Puppy will scratch Itchies back.
Itchie likes it.
Then Itchie and Puppy and the little Jew with the backpack and the little man in the boat all go fishing together.
A lot.
They really like fishing together.
Itchie is very tall.
Puppy is very small.
Itchie is very big.
Puppy is tiny.
Itchie has homicidal tendencies.
Puppy has shopping problems and likes people too much.
Itchie hates people.
Itchie says people should fuck off or be shot.
Puppy says people are good and nice
They wonder why they haven’t killed each other yet.
Doctors say, their combined insanity is a medical marvel.
Itchie says fuck the doctors. Puppy says, yeah, fuck them.
They carpool to therapy.
If anyone hurts Puppy, Itchie will shove a shotgun up their ass and fuck them with buckshot.
If anyone hurts Itchie, Puppy will leave her peaceful ways and shoot them with Itchie’s gun.
It’s a big gun.
Itchie hopes she won’t fall over trying to hold it.