Biology and Love
FreiFem2011I would like you to know that I was half-way through a terrific blog post that you would have totally loved, full of fresh imagery and interesting ideas, when I realized that one of my phrases sounded a teensy-bit familiar. I checked back to the FreiFem archives and realized I already wrote the exact blog post I was writing – last week. My memory is freaking shot. My brain is totally mush. Pregnancy biology…
I love it, my husband crows, as we’re driving through Manhattan, me taking a left turn every time a rational brain would go right. I’m finally smarter than you!
In other news, I’m in love with this quote I saw in a recent guest post over on Motherlode, written by Amy Julia Becker:
“Love is not an emotion so much as it is a series of actions.”
How many times in my life have I heard people (or supernatural beings) claiming to “love me” – but it’s true, it all comes down to the actions, there’s the evidence for the verdict whether or not it’s love.
And finally, as you can imagine, feminist that I am, I’m totally outraged over the whole Tzitung photo scandal, but totally glad it happened: It’s nice to see the secret realities of that world exposed so blatantly they cannot be pretended to not exist….
We’re off to Mexico for the weekend (belated birthday trip for my husband/babymoon), updates from the land of sunshine and cheap off-limits beer next week!
6 Responses
Have a safe, fun trip!
FreiFem, I’m very new to this site. I’m pretty internet blog savvy so it’s news even to me that I’ve missed this. A young relative sent me a link to to this place a few weeks ago.
I’m enjoying reading your essays. Who are you? I’m intrigued. I guess I should go back and read more but I am forever trying to strike that elusive balance of being internet informed and taming the “addiction.” There is so much to read on this site, but there’s work and my writing and all the other stuff of life. I’m working through many essays and articles.
Briefly, my narrative may be a little different. I come from a Chassidic background, just like everyone (or most everyone) on this site. I diverge slightly in that I left New York a long time ago. I’ve always tried to maintain a relationship with my family and it’s a precarious balance at best. I pay a huge price for staying in touch with them, but when I gave birth to my own child, I felt she needed that connection.
I don’t lead a double life. Rather I have two worlds and I survive by not mixing the two. I have my distinct separateness that is light years away from the life my six siblings live.
I have been visiting Williamsburgh a lot this year because that is where my elderly mother now lives. I thought I was the only one treading these two worlds. I’ve been successful in my “new” life (hardly new, I’ve been doing this since my teen years) but often have felt so alone in Williamsburgh and Boro Park, convinced not a soul could possibly understand who I am. If I have to sit through another segregated wedding where the women’s discussions are jewelry, diets and cleaning, I’ll plotz. They teased me recently that my husband has barely bought me any jewelry. I almost shot back but bit my tongue that what’s all the jewelry in the world when are shavin your head?
My modern friends understand where I come from but do they really? Of course not. The Chassidic world understands that I am different but of course they don’t understand.
It’s refreshing to find out I’m not the only one. I never connected with this ex-world. I just left and found a new one. And I go back all the time to that quaint other world. I’m like Harry Potter on Platform Nine and Three Quarters. I duck in and re-emerge and blend in with all the muggles again.
Ooops, typo. A no no for a writer :(. Corrected line: “I almost shot back but bit my tongue that what good is all the jewelry in the world when you are ordered to shave your head?”
Thanks Jellybean! I did :-)!
Hi J. – I”m so glad you found us!
Unpious publishes writers from different backgrounds on the “hasidic” or “haredi” fringe, all at many different places in our life journeys.
You may also enjoy connecting with Footsteps (Footstepsorg.org), which helps people who have just left acclimate to secular life and also serves as a social hub for people further along in the process.
Thanks, FreiFem. I’ll check out that resource. I’ve been doing this for years, I’ve got it down pat but it would be nice to connect with others who have traversed a similar journey. Especially because I have been going back lately and it’s very jarring.
When I began doing this, it was almost unheard of. I used to joke that if I could find others, all three of us that is, it would be so much easier.
Going to college, springing from the world of Chassidm, was a very big deal when I did it. I just didn’t know anyone else from my background who had made a complete break. A break and yet maintaining a connection.
I enjoy reading your posts.
I love that quote: “Love is not an emotion so much as it is a series of actions.” My husband is not a big gift buyer, but every year on my birthday he weeds my flower garden for me. I appreciate that more than any bought gift