Mexico Report
FreiFem2011
Sunday morning, attired in small scraps of cloth, I read a novel while lying in a hammock strung between two palm trees whose broad leaves sheltered clusters of green fruit that looked as perfectly perfect as any plastic sukka decoration.
After lunch, we sipped (virgin for me) strawberry daiquiris as we stretched out on giant beds on stilts with bamboo roofs filtering the sun. Then we walked the white beach and waded into the clear teal water, cool on our toasted flesh. As the waves lapped at my naked belly, I wondered if the baby felt differently* when I was treading in the water, and that led me to reflect on my own childhood water experiences. When I was little, the big summer treat was to don housecoats and splash around the grey waters of the muddy Lakewood lake. That was the beach for us. My baby will visit beautiful beaches wearing skimpy bathing suits and revel in the gorgeousness of the natural world. I’m so grateful I can participate in all of the world, now, and so excited that I will be able to give my child that gift, of being fully alive, fully engaged with the splendor of all there is to experience.
*I”ve been feeling little kicks for a while now, although they are more like soft little gurgles against my inside skin. But after I got out of the ocean, having played and jumped and swam for a good hour or two**, when I lay back down on the sunbed, the baby gave me a KAPOW! kick. It was the coolest thing ever.
**I am now (back home), in agony, as my incandescent purple skin reminds me, belatedly, of the dangers of the sun + not-tznius swim wear.
8 Responses
You grew up in Lakewood?! Totally cool cause I’m from Lakewood and you are the first Lakewooder I’ve seen in the ex-frum blogging world.
Well, sort of, I grew up “out of town”, but we spent our summers in Lakewood, and my family is definitely totally “Lakewood” in philosophy…
I’ve been wondering where all the ex-Litvaks are hanging out on the web…
Us Litvaks are alive and well on the web, thank you very much…lol.
“the dangers of the sun + not-tznius swim wear” – ah, see? God has finally figured out a way to punish you for your misdeeds…lol.
You’re probably not showing too much yet, but keep in mind for later on that while a pregnant belly is uber-sexy, a pregnant belly with sagging breasts in a teeny weeny bikini is not a pretty site…I’m sorry but I just needed to express the truth. A tight fitting top with jeans on the other hand – totally hot!
I can assure you Chay Nobody, judging from the ample evidence provided, no onlookers were offended by the appearance of my pregnant body parts.
But you raise an interesting point.
What is “the truth” in “prettiness” or beauty, and what should our relationship be to that “truth” when we make choices about how we dress or present ourselves?
In some ways, our secular world is as oppressive as any Charedi society, determining only the narrowest of looks to be “beautiful” and forcing their message of what constitutes beauty down in our throats, a message which is almost impossible to resist. They employ the best marketers, storytellers, artists, and psychologists to convince us of this – why? To fuel the multi-billion dollar corporations that thrive on our insecurities. The bigger our insecurities, the more we buy – cosmetics, clothing, diet products etc.. (BTW, I’m constantly amazed by stories of chasidish/Charedi men buying into these values hook, line and sinker, even more than many secular men I know. With such limited exposure to real women beyond porn, their sense of reality is often painfully skewed).
I hope as rebels who have experience identifying brainwashing and mind control efforts, we can break free, and try to see beyond what the culture wants us to see, to find beauty in “non-sanctioned” appearances, to explore what is beautiful, free of the grip of others definitions…
You are very right – good point.
We humans as social beings by necessity define ourselves to a large extent by the way we wish to be viewed by others.
This is double-edged sword. On the one hand, it insures that we keep to basic social mores that stop us from completely following our every whim and fantasy (thinking with my male brain here, if we could really just instantly strip and penetrate any good looking female we see as we often fantasize, women everywhere would never be safe…)
On the other hand, we often follow the dictates of society without thinking if it is really the right and/or moral thing to do, often even at our own personal expense. For example – think about wearing high-heels – I for one never understood why women would put themselves through such pain and suffering, just as many people would question why I choose to specifically daven in a minyan this past week that says Selichos B’HB (just proving my Litvishe bona-fides there…lol), even as I doubt the whole basis for davening altogether.
So, is it always a good thing to break away from society’s expectations, “free of the grip of other’s definitions” like you say? Not necessarily. We should always be diligent in thinking it through – and making our OWN decisions, which often may actually be to follow the pack.
Some rabbis argue b’firesh that sunscreen satisfies the cover-thy-body requirement especially those with good fashion taste
FF, you write,
“I will be able to give my child that gift, of being fully alive, fully engaged with the splendor of all there is to experience.”
Your deep appreciation for your experiences is probably the result, in great part, of your deprivation growing up. Do you wonder how you’ll pass on your appreciation if your child won’t experience the deprivation? Will your child be able to see the world’s beauty the way you do if he/she has been exposed to it from practically — well, -5 month old? Do you worry that your child will take for granted what you worked so hard to give him/her?
SS – I (and my husband) worry about that ALL the time, on so many levels… It’s a tough issue and one I am sure we will grapple with throughout this journey.
What do you think? Do you have any suggestions as to how one could nurture this sense of appreciation in one’s kids?
I bet you looked HOT!