News Roundup: 9/29/11

Frum women with lights, sirens, and two-way radios? Heavens, how sinful. Ruchie Freier of Brooklyn is agitating on behalf of frum women who want to join Hatzalah. Under the plan, female members would assist women giving birth or with gynecological emergencies. The responses vary: “It’s not on the agenda,” said Rabbi David Cohen, CEO of Hatzalah, citing the rabbonim’s disapproval. “I’m sure Hatzalah will consider it,” said Assemblyman Dov Hikind, who supports the plan. “It’s a radical feminist agenda,” said a Yeshiva World commenter, who was then observed rushing to look up the words “radical” and “feminist” in the dictionary.

Does he take his bedpan to the office? Hershel Kestenbaum, the longtime head of ODA in Williamsburg, is 89 years old, suffering from Alzheimers, and has round-the-clock care in his home. But that doesn’t stop him from reporting full-time work as ODA’s exceutive director and drawing more than $1.2 million for himself from taxpayer money.

If you ever commit a serious crime, here’s a tip: be frum. In addition to triggering global natural disasters in your defense, you might score the fourth most signed petition on the White House’s new “We The People” site — as in the case of Sholom Rubashkin.

Chabadnik Beryl Epstein finds himself and his neighborhood streets fascinating. So fascinating that he developed a walking-tour through the Lubavitch neighborhood of Crown Heights to guide outsiders through the world of three-pinch hats and full-color posters of the long-dead-but-still-alive Messiah. Visitors are guided through 770, a local mikva, and a kosher deli. Key concepts of Lubavitch Judaism are explained, such as: why Lubavitch women wear wigs, why Lubavitch kids don’t watch TV, and why Lubavitch men insist on being incredibly annoying on Manhattan street corners.

Rabbi Chaim Malinowitz of Beit Shemesh, general editor of Artscroll’s Talmud series, won’t publicly condemn the recent spate of Charedi violence in his town. The incidents have included beatings and stone-throwings — some of it directed at schoolgirls as young as ten years old. Malinowitz apparently thinks that ‘condemning’ the violence will further polarize the Charedi and non-Charedi worlds. By not condemning it, he’s working towards ‘achdut’ of klal yisrael. Yeah, we know. We’re still chewing on that one.

43% of Charedi Israelis and 3.6% of secular Israelis would be bothered by a female Prime Minister. 3.3% of Charedi Israelis and 79.3% of secular Israelis would be bothered by a Charedi Prime Minister.

Eygpt, a major supplier of lulavim to Israel, has banned their export this year. Frum Jews, who look forward each year to their frond-waving frenzy during the Sukkos holiday, will be forced to use the more expensive Israeli lulavim instead.

Uh oh. FaceGlat, the sex-separated Charedi alternative to Facebook, was hacked by Jordanian pro-Palestinian activists. We think we have a movie idea: Radical freedom-fighting hackers face radical fundamentalist Jews. Hilarity ensues.

In the latest episode of non-meshichisten versus pseudo-Christians, Rabbi Yudel Krinsky served the Gabbaim of Chabad’s messianist faction with an eviction notice from 770, days before Rosh Hashana. The rebbe must be turning in his, um… never mind.