What is Footsteps?
Mar Baravashi2011Best of the BlogsOpinion
credit: mieunski
“A bunch of losers.”
“Oifgeklerte beheimes trying to influence frum yidden to eat chazzer.”
“Never heard of it.”
“It’s not for me; I know what I want, and I don’t need a daily choir of repetitious mantras to help me.”
These are some of the answers I’ve heard from people when I asked what they thought about Footsteps. Some, as is self-evident, are frum. I’d asked them in order to gauge the frum world’s perception of the organization, to measure how threatening they perceive it to be. More surprising are the answers I hear from people who, I’d have thought, would’ve been naturally drawn to a group like Footsteps but for some prior misconceptions, often deliberately delivered by Orthodox authorities, which make them continue to think of the organization and its members as a group of revenge-seeking, drug-addicted losers who live to see others join them in their miserable lives.
I, too, was once similarly misinformed about the organization. I thought it was comprised mostly of socially inept and emotionally disturbed misfits. I hadn’t bothered to verify the notion first because I knew one of its members and I happened to think him odd. It took some time from when I began doubting Judaism, and even after I left, until I realized that the reputation Footsteps has acquired is completely untrue. It only came after meeting, through mutual friends, several Footsteps members, that I changed my mind and joined as well. I learned a lesson from this: I should never to judge something before I got to know it directly, first hand.
One of my friends, who happened to be one of the people who changed my impression of Footsteps, told me that he too hesitated before joining. His impression of the organization came from religious people, who all parroted the notion that Footsteps members were the dregs of society. When he joined, he found it was filled with people who shared his intellectual struggles with religious belief, many of them thoughtful and intelligent, who, together, made a natural group of kindred spirits, as eager for a game of volleyball at the beach as they were for discussing Dawkins and Hitchens.
For him, for me, and for many of us within the organization, the social environment at Footsteps is its most gratifying characteristic. Before I joined Footsteps, when I attempted to engage my Hasidic family or friends in a discussion of religion, I often found it a useless endeavor in the face of fiercely held superstitions. I grew amazed at how people could believe that evolution was a hoax, a deliberate ploy by Godless scientists to challenge religious belief. Or that after the coming of Moshiach, which they believed was imminent, all gentiles would be forced into servitude to their true masters, the Jewish people. At one point, I wondered whether something was wrong with me that I was unable to believe that which everyone knew for a fact to be true. The frustration that came with hearing words of sheer stupidity but unable to convey even the most basic objection became, at some point, almost unbearable.
All of that changed when I met people, who like me, had the same experiences with their family and friends. It was refreshing, exhilarating even, to speak to people who didn’t believe things just because their parents and teachers told them to. Finally I did not have to be the lone outcast who thought he understood the world better than all the gedoilim and rabbonim.
Did I find “losers” at Footsteps? Perhaps, although I’ve learned that the non-Orthodox world is, to some degree, more empathetic and forgiving. Non-conformists, rebels, the too-smart, the too-creative, the shy, ADHD’s, the hyperactives, the socially-awkward, and everyone who doesn’t fit the norm isn’t necessarily judged a ‘loser’ by everyone. Many even thrive on their unique skillsets.
One source of frustration to me is that there are so many for whom Footsteps would be a great place to communicate, to hang out with others interested in making a life for themselves without interference from religious tyranny. I am not quite sure how to convince people to reconsider Footsteps and to give it a chance. Nor do I have any ideas on how to get word out to people who are tired of having their beliefs suppressed in order to remain safe in the community, to let them know that they are not alone. If only there was a way for them to know that there are many others out there who share their feelings and beliefs.
There are probably thousands who, had they known they were not alone in their heresy, would never have gotten stuck in undesirable marriages, fated to live out their lives in an intellectual and emotional prison. If only there was a way to get word out somehow, to those in the process of deciding what they really want in life, to consider joining Footsteps. Footsteps is the place where people, either currently in an ultra-Orthodox community or were raised ultra-Orthodox, can meet others and share their frustrations and their passions in a safe and confidential environment.
For more information about Footsteps, visit: www.footstepsorg.org.
__________________________________________________________________________________
Originally published on A Hasid and A Heretic on 12/15/08, and reprinted here with permission. Authors have asked us to note that as the essays featured in “Best of the Blogs” document journeys of transformation, the author’s views may have changed since initial publication.
Nominate your own Best of the Blogs posts with an email to unpious.submissions@gmail.com.
26 Responses
I love this point (which responds to an accusation some religious commenters here like to throw around):
“Did I find “losers” at Footsteps? Perhaps, although I’ve learned that the non-Orthodox world is, to some degree, more empathetic and forgiving. Non-conformists, rebels, the too-smart, the too-creative, the shy, ADHD’s, the hyperactives, the socially-awkward, and everyone who doesn’t fit the norm isn’t necessarily judged a ‘loser’ by everyone.”
I grow amazed at how people can believe that Torah is a hoax, a deliberate ploy by Godly rabbis to challenge secular belief.
Great article, Mordy. Tizku l’mitzvos.
And just by the way, on the subject of “losers”, how many orthodox Jewish converts to atheism have a spouse, a child and a job? Name, address and phone number please?
Mr. Jacob Stein:
The only difference between your and Mordy’s amazement is the matter one reached that conclusion. While the majority of those who believe that evolution is a hoax (especially those who happened to be Orthodox Jews), have never spent 5 minutes to study and/or examine evolution. We, OTDs, on the other hand, have spent years, in some cases tens of years in trying to be convinced that perhaps Judaism wasn’t made by man but couldn’t be convinced of that. At least we tried.
As far as losing, why are a spouse, child and job the definition of “not loser?” Is being miserable, having a job, spouse and child not considered “losing?” Besides the fact that in my head I can instantly think of more than 5 OTDs (let alone those who never grew Orthodox) who fit YOUR criterion but I will not release their names, addresses nor phone numbers because I did not ask them permission to.
The place I come from, Jerusalem, Israel, the majority of Orthodox adults DO NOT have all those 3. And the trend is growing among Yeshivish Americans too.
Pinny — Good points, of course. However, best to remember:
אל תען כסיל כאיוולתו…
Just my opinion.
” While the majority of those who believe that evolution is a hoax (especially those who happened to be Orthodox Jews), have never spent 5 minutes to study and/or examine evolution.”
I was raised an evolutionist, until, thank God, I saw the light.
“As far as losing, why are a spouse, child and job the definition of “not loser?” ”
It generally indicates some level of maturity and stability. It’s a rough rule of thumb.
“I can instantly think of more than 5 OTDs (let alone those who never grew Orthodox) who fit YOUR criterion”
I’d be fascinated to see one, seriously. Someone who, post-1960, has left orthodox Judaism, declared himself to be an atheist or agnostic and today has a full time job, spouse and child with that spouse.
Shulem, on the other hand, עם עיקש, תתפתל
If there is one person who comes here and maybe, just maybe, gets the impression that those unfounded arguments have some substance to them and as a result of my responses and counter arguments discovers otherwise, I already got my Chelek in Gan-Eden.
Mr. Stein, I said “majority.” I challenge you to find (for yourself, no need to bring names, addresses, phone number, emails, Social Security numbers, etc.) at least 5 Orthodox FFBs who ever tried to understand evolution. Or, alternately, you can try finding one “orthodox Jewish convert[ed] to atheism” who has never studied Creationism.
Just curious, do you think evolution is a hoax?
If the answer is yes, did you read Richard Dawkin’s The Blind Watchmaker? If yes, which parts didn’t convince you, and can you please send me your comments on that book so I, too, can find the light?
If no, in my book you didn’t look into evolution, hence your argument is fallacious.
If no, ask your rabbi what s/he thinks of it… Besides, your argument would be fallacious…
At least 2 of those I have in my mind have written pieces on this forum, but I really don’t get why that’s a criterion. Is a person who is infertile a loser no matter how successful s/he is???
“Shulem, on the other hand, עם עיקש, תתפתל”
That one I disagree with. I’m selective with my Biblical proverbs.
As for Stein, this comment says it all:
“I’d be fascinated to see one, seriously. Someone who, post-1960, has left orthodox Judaism, declared himself to be an atheist or agnostic and today has a full time job, spouse and child with that spouse.”
If any reader really thinks a comment like this has merit, I’m not sure they’re worthy of an attempt to convince them otherwise.
Also — I think it’s a safe bet that Stein knows how outrageous his comments are but is simply fishing for any kind of interaction. We call that a troll. And trolls aren’t worthy of anyone’s time.
Come to think of it: trolls shouldn’t be tolerated at all. So, Stein, you’re on a short leash. I’m this close to booting you on your next experiment in trolling. (Which — kudos to you — you’ve become quite the expert on.)
Let’s be honest. Dropouts are not failures as Jews. They’re just failures.
And evolution is a myth.
Jacob, the Torah is a document written by many hands over many years, full of bits lifted from other sources, changed repeatedly and more like the hallucinations of a febrile toddler than the Supreme Wisdom of the Universe. The only reason you treat it with any more respect than the Gospels, the Vedas, the Quran or the Popul Vuh is that you were indoctrinated when you were too young to have a fully developed adult brain with critical faculties.
Sorry, that’s the unvarnished truth.
Your appalling ignorance is further underscored by talking about “converts to atheism”. I know the Fundies love to say atheism is a religion so they can dismiss anything which punctures their smug bubble. But no matter how many times some gray-bearded black-hatted witch doctor tells you otherwise atheism is no more a religion than bald is a hair color. My sincere apologies to any authentic shaman who may be reading this. I didn’t mean to lump you with the “Great Old Ones”.
Orthodox Jews who dumped their Bronze Age superstitions and were successful? Let’s see. Take a look at the Abandoning Eden blog or the life of Spinoza or my parents or Richard Feynman’s family or any number of other famous men and women. Sorry, not the women. You’re not supposed to acknowledge they exist except except as brood mares turning out litters.
JP, Abraham dropped out of idolatry.
As for “evolution is a myth” I’m afraid you still don’t understand the difference between Science and religion. Science changes its conclusions to conform with reality. Religion is the denial of reality so belief and social control can be maintained at any cost.
The evidence for evolution, which is not a religion and not incompatible with being religious, is vast. It is robust. It comes from many different independent sources which support each other. The fact of evolution is no longer in question. The questions are about mechanisms, rates, the histories of particular lineages and other such things.
The evidence for religion – any religion – is the thin end of nothing whittled down to a point. The reasons you believe are social conformity, lifetime indoctrination, prohibition of even considering any alternative and the promise of reward, social here and how and illusory ones in some unverifiable future existence. In other words, you believe out of a combination of habit, fear, greed and enforced ignorance.
I really like South Park’s take on this religion versus non-religion argument. That was a great episode.
While I believe in evolution, I read Dawkin’s The Selfish Gene, and color me not impressed. Interesting, but far from final. If the ultimate point of life is juts mere evolution, why have we gone past humping each other to procreate? as long as babies keep getting born and raised until they procreate that should be good enough for evolution no? what is the evolutionary advantage of poetry? Why did cavemen paint on the walls of their caves? And even if we can answer that, we are but an infinitesimal drop in the bucket of what we KNOW about the universe, and physicists will be the first to tell you that there’s much more we dont know.
However, thumbs up for Footsteps and any other organizations helping people breaking away from ultra-orthodox environments, or otherwise foster community amongst like-minded people trying to be true to THEMSELVES and not following the blind leading the blind. Why is everyone so afraid of everything!
I really enjoyed this piece. In fact, I am now inspired to check out one of footsteps events. I definitely was guilty of some of the preconceptions the article references.
@Jacob Stein, three of my siblings who, post-1960, have left orthodox Judaism, declared themselves to be atheists or agnostics and today have a full time jobs, spouses, and children with those spouses. I will not encourage them to meet you, though. I hope one day they will be willing to reexamine their tradition from a mature vantage point, and meeting you would only reinforce their resistance. Please stop, for our nation’s sake.
What kills me is that the only established organization I know of that helps disenfranchised chassidim learn English, get an education and a job, learn how to interact with the secular world, and gain self-respect also has a reputation for encouraging those people to abandon Judaism. I don’t know this first hand; I never visited the organization. However, that is the “shmuah” online (never a reliable source of information on such matters). I think it is fair to say Footsteps is not encouraging its members to find ways to strengthen ties with the Torah in a healthy way.
I was encouraged to see the formation of B’Derech by Ruchie Freier, a Bobov woman who became a lawyer later in life. http://www.vosizneias.com/29764/2009/04/01/new-york-up-and-coming-b%E2%80%99derech-making-strides-as-trendsetter-in-kiruv-kerovim/, http://www.vosizneias.com/55167/2010/05/11/new-york-treading-b%E2%80%99derech-hachassidus-and-advocating-for-our-children/, http://www.vosizneias.com/90777/2011/09/08/new-york-b%E2%80%99derech-meeting-the-educational-goals-of-the-chareidi-community-vin-news-interview
Bravo, cheers, kudos, hurrah! I hope B’Derech will prove to be an alternate (in my opinion better) address for chassidim looking for a different lifestyle.
Jacob Stein:
Ironically and sadly, the having a wife and 12 kids, THAT IS actually THE reason to the contrary, TIS’ why so many of your chasidic brothers are in misery themselves vs. the secular guy. Being slapped together to crank out babies before figuring out how, where and when to actually make a living on this forsaken planet has thrown a loooot of hasids into major depression. Ask around the therapists in Brooklyn. Check your facts dude!
For the uninformed- JP is a notorious troll of OTD blogs. There is no argument you can make to convince him he’s wrong, so there’s no point in arguing with him. He’ll just repeat himself over and over again and not aknowledge any of your points.
Also he censors comments on his own blog, so that point about “little brainwashed people hearing the truth” is just a giant pile of hypocrisy.
Jacob Stein, Pinny Gold, and others in that conversation.
I am an agnostic (I have not encountered evidence convincing enough to contradict God’s existence, but likewise, I have no reason to believe in the existence of a God (I would like to think that this is the general atheist’s approach)). I am married, have an occupation and a wonderful son (with another kid on the way). I am inclined to believe in the Theory of Evolution. Having said that:
Dawkins is not a philosopher; he is a biologist (and a good one). Since he is not a philosopher, he is not trained in the methods and techniques of formal logic (without formal logic it is unlikely that anyone can formulate a valid argument). I have not read his books (I wish I had the time, but this semester alone has me reading more than 10,000 pages which I will never finish in time), but I have friends, whom’s intellect I trust, that have read his books (in addition to numerous books on evolution) and tried formalizing the argument for evolution; it is a non-sequitur (doesn’t follow). This doesn’t mean that evolution is wrong, it simply means that either the argument still needs to be worked out or additional assumptions (which haven’t been made until now) need to be made. I will try to get hold of the formalized argument (beware that it is 90+ pages), but seeing that he is trying to publish it, I doubt that he would want it on the internet before it is published. However, once it is published I will gladly post it here.
My point is simply that we are relying on a biologist’s claim of a valid argument, this is the equivalent of relying on a biologist’s claim that algorithm terminates at some point.
Correction: “i was raised an evolutionist, until, thank God, I was abducted and brainwashed”
correction: “iIt generally indicates some level of imaturity and un stability. It’s a rough rule of thumb. Getting married at 23 yrs old or younger is absurd, and churning out baby after baby with no money or plan is iresponsible.
Correction: there are so many people who, post-1960, have left orthodox Judaism, declared himself to be an atheist or agnostic and are active and contributing members of society, who are not only concerned with their own kind, and who consistently pursue a better life and better standard of living for themselves and those around them. And who fight for civil rights for all living beings
I forgot to mention this in my previous comment: I loved the article.
Yitzchok — You wrote:
“Dawkins is not a philosopher; he is a biologist (and a good one).”
And…
“I have friends… that tried formalizing the argument for evolution; it is a non-sequitur…”
The “argument” for evolution is precisely a question of biology, not philosophy. True, to the extent that all scientific theories rely on inductive reasoning, there is logic involved. But we don’t generally dismiss scientific theories because their proponents aren’t trained philosophers, thoroughly versed in formal logic.
Now — if you were making this argument about Dawkins’ atheism, that would be a different matter. But you’re making it about evolution, on which Dawkins is eminently qualified to speak.
Shulem,
Does he only make claims scientifically, or does he really on some assumed truths to come to his conclusions? (this question is not rhetorical). From what I understand (and I admittedly did not do nearly enough research on this topic) this was his issue. (again, I will try to get the actual paper and post it here) (think of all the parenthesis as disclaimers)
In “The Selfish Gene” and “The Blind Watchmaker,” his approach is almost purely scientific — as opposed to polemical, with which “The God Delusion” is utterly packed. In the latter, it’s not only relying on assumed truths that’s bothersome; he commits a host of logical fallacies, explicit or implicit, the most glaring of which boils down to:
a. I, Richard Dawkins, am an expert evolutionary biologist.
b. Religious people disagree with evolution.
c. Ergo, we should all be atheists.
He’s got straw men and faulty premises and non-sequiturs up the wazoo.
But again, just to be clear, this about his atheism writings not his evolution. His writings on evolution are really really sound.
Thank you , mordy, good job! I was waiting for that kind of article. The denial and hypocrisy in which the Chasidic kids are brought up in the 20st- 21st century is just incredible. Whenever I asked my mom why there are so many OTD she answered the same crap over and over, they are all drug and sex addicts or from broken homes, and they will ‘anivay’ come back eventually, and I naive kid believed her, I was sure that I am the only one who questions my lifestyle/religion – until I got to know unpious. At least now I understand why the rabbonim are so against internet, with the internet they are all bankrupt. If the psychiatrists, therapists, and marriage counselors who treat the ‘heimisha tzibur’ would only be allowed to tell us what they know, the basics of the ultra orthodox theology of zero crime rate and low divorse rate and a happy, heimisha, vaarima community would crumble under their feet.
But still, I do believe that the a nice portion of the dropouts in the Chassidic community would have been dropouts even in the secular world, and this is what gives legitimacy to their claim that all OTD are drug addicts, but I think that the reason is simple, no smart person wants to be a dropout, or to fight with their family, or to be the talk of town, therefore many of them suffer silently.
I would also like to add my two cents to the discussion here. I believe that when someone spends years or tens of years reading and researching religion, he shouldn’t skip on the works of the rishonim like ‘the guide for the perplexed’ by the great Maimonides , kuzri, emonus v’deias, etc. I personally have’nt spent too much time on the issue of religion, because I don’t think that the jewish religion, whether its true or not true, isn’t what makes me unhappy, its rather the ultra orthodox lifestyle, and as long as I don’t take the first step, changing my lifestyle (which we all agree was invented by people, if they deserve that title) I am not ready for the second step, which is leaving my religion.
Thank you, unpious!
Jacob Stein, in my previous religious community, it was a common misconception, that Baal Tshuvah folks are a little nuts, something in their brain is a little off. While it’s amusing how religious people believe that to convert to Judaism you have to be a little crazy, while they are still holding on to their belief, I always tried to shy away from common stereotypes, but Jacob! you’re not helping my cause!
This fascinating read today reminded me of this comment thread…I thought I’d share…
http://life.salon.com/2011/10/02/how_science_and_faith_coexist/